Back to December
by tataalicat
Summary: It was time for her to swallow her pride. Her freedom wasn't worth it if she didn't have him in her life. His guard was up, because he had givin her his love and all she gave him back was a goodbye. She would go back and change if she could, and if he gave her another chance she would love him right this time. Based on the song 'Back to December'.


They sat in her office, a glass of bourbon in both of their hands. She was happy that they were able and sit down and have a glass of alcohol together, because whether he knew it not, he was her best friend. The silence was comfortable, each just happy not to be talking about work. Ever since she became director things were strained between the two, and they never really got time to talk about non-work related things.

"So how's you father Jethro?" She questioned breaking th silence. Yes, she had the privilege and the honor of meeting Jackson Gibbs before. She thought had he was a great man although she shouldnt be surprised, because his son was as well.

"He's doin fine." He replied grulfy, taking.a sup of his bourbon.

She smiled, "Well thats good." She replied softly.

She picked up the bottle and refilled her glass. They began to talk about small things, work and the weather and such. Him and his team had been busy with a serial killer latley and they haven't been "It's good that we could sit down and have a glass of alcohol together."

_I'm so glad you made time to see me._  
_How's life? Tell me how's your family._  
_I haven't seen them in a while._  
_You've been good, busier than ever,  
S__mall talk, work and the weather,_

"Yep." He answered.

She frowned some and brought the glass to her lips. The liquid burned her throat and she loved the feeling.

She could tell that his guard was up, that he was building walls around himself. It was as though when wher walls began to go down he put more around himself. She couldn't blame him though. She had hurt him, and if she was in his position she would do the same as him.

She could see the in his eyes he was reliving that last time that he had seen her all those years ago. Paris, the coat, the plane, that damn letter. She remembered the rose he gave her the night before. It was a beautiful white rose that was fully bloomed, and she had left it in the hotel room to die.

_Your guard is up and I know why._  
_Because the last time you saw me_  
_Is still burned in the back of your mind._  
_You gave me roses and I left them there to die.  
__So this is me swallowing my pride,_  
_Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night,"_  
_And I go back to December all the time._  
_ It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you._  
_Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine._  
_I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right._  
_I go back to December all the time._

She yawned and leaned back in her chair. He Smirked, "When was the last time you slept good Jen?" He asked.

She shrugged, "Can't remember."

That was lie. She knew exactly when. It was the night that she had left him that she hadn't ever gotten a full nights sleep. The first few weeks she had spent sobbing about it, and on she replayed it in her head, changing what had happened until she passed out from exhaustion.

He could see her right eye twitch, but he didn't want to say anything and ruin the night. Truthfully he was enjoying this time they had together.

Some nights she'd think about the last summer they had spent together. It was probably the most beautiful summer she had seen, it might have had something to do with the man she spent it with. It was that fall that she had realized that she truly loved him.

And that December he had loved her and all she gave him was a goodbye, and she regretted it everyday.

Sometimes she would think about the first time he saw her cry, it had been a warm semptember night and he had held her close while she cried.

_These days I haven't been sleeping,_  
_Staying up, playing back myself leavin'._  
_When your birthday passed and I didn't call._  
_And I think about summer, all the beautiful times,_  
_I watched you laughing from the passenger side._  
_Realized that I loved you in the fall._  
_And then the cold came, _  
_the dark days when fear crept into my mind_  
_You gave me all your love and all I gave you was "Goodbye"._

_I miss your tanned skin, your sweet smile,_  
_So good to me, so right_  
_And how you held me in your arms that September night -_  
_The first time you ever saw me cry._

She had somehow ended up from in her chair to leaning against the front if the desk and facing him. "So youlike being director Jen? Dealing with my bullcrap all day long?" He asked with a slight smirk.

She rolled her eyes, "Yes Jethro, dealing with your problems is the best part of my day."

He smirked and she glared some. The silence returned and he refilled his glass, not sure what to say.

She looked up from hid glass and into his eyes, and god right then did she really want to change her decision, but she can't. And if he wouldnt let her right her wrongs she'd understand. But if by the grace of god he gave her another shot at a realationship with her she swore to herself that she would love right. She wouldn't screw it up this time. She'd give up everything just to be with him again.

"Jethro."

His blue orbs met her green ones, "Yeah Jen?"

_Maybe this is wishful thinking,_  
_Probably mindless dreaming,_  
_But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right._

_I'd go back in time and change it but I can't._  
_So if the chain is on your door I understand._

She had to swallow her pride for once. She took a deep breathe, "I'm sorry for that night."

His eyes widen with shock. He wasn't expecting that at all. Se continued, " I had a five point plan and you just didn't fit. I need freedom to pursue that plan. But I've realized that all freedom is missing you. I go back to that December night I wrote that stupid letter and I wish I could change it so bad. That's why I haven't been sleeping. I have barley slept since that damn night because I keep thinking about it. I'm sorry Jethro. I'm so sorry, and don't you dare say something about me apoligizing.

_But this is me swallowing my pride_  
_Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night."_  
_And I go back to December..._  
_It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,_  
_Wishing I'd realize what I had when you were mine._  
_I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right._  
_I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind_

Tears were running down her face now. He stood up and stepped clos to her and wiped them away with the back of his hand. She stared into his eyes and knew that he had forgiven her. She blinked away a few tears that were welling up in her eyes just as he brought his lips to hers. She wrapped her arms around him and deepened the kiss. Tears ran down her facee some more and he pulled away, "Why are you crying Jenny?" He asked gently.

She smiled "Happy tears Jethro.", she sniffled some, "God I love you." Tears were running down her face more now, but she couldn't help it. She was to happy to even think straight.

"I love you so god damn much. I just can't describe how much I love you." She said.

"I love you to Jenny, so much." He said, crushing her lips against his again.

_I go back to December all the time._

_All the time._


End file.
